Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Southern Grandma

Here's something to tickle our funny bone. There's something about the wholesome goodness of some of us who speak straight from the heart without pretension and all the hypocrisy... Maybe some of our rural folks do possess the qualities we have lost!

Ah, the States! I think of Elvis Presley, Jimmy Carter, John Wayne, Ronald Reagan, Jim Reeves, Skeetle Davis, Johnny Horton, Donny and Marie Osmond, Dolly Parton, Eddie Rabitt and so many other folksy southern people many of whom have the unique southern accent when they speak ...

Lawyers should never ask a southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded,"Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied,"Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."

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