Memorable Great Yarmouth Agricultural Show

 My wife and I went to  the Great Yarmouth  agricultural show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at  was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there  was a sign attached that said, 

' THIS BULL MATED 50  TIMES LAST YEAR '

My wife playfully  nudged me in the ribs ......Smiled and said, 'He mated 50  times last year, that's almost once a  week.

'We walked to the second  pen which had a sign attached that  said, ''THIS BULL MATED
15O TIMES LAST  YEAR' My wife gave me healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's almost three times a week!   ...........You could learn a lot from  him.'

We walked to the third pen  and it had a sign attached that said, in  capital letters, 'THIS BULL MATED 365  TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife was so  excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and  said, 'That's once a day ....You could  REALLY learn something from this  one.'

 I looked at her and  said, 'Go over and ask him if it was  with the same old  cow.'

 
 My  condition has been upgraded from critical to  stable and I should eventually make a full  recovery. 

A Funny Recollection

Some time ago I had quite a funny joke posted in one of my blogs. It was borrowed from a Malaysian politician's blog and recently, I came across it. I said to myself, "Hell, it's a frustrating time for me-what with my car accident and consequently, a big dent in my finances and the loss of my passport!"

It was the first day of school and a new student named Chandrashekhar Subrahmanyam entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said, “Give me liberty , or give me death”?

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up.

“Patrick Henry, 1775″ he said.

“Very good! Who said, 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'”

Again, no response except from Chandrashekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863,″ said Chandrashekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrashekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!”

She heard a loud whisper: “Fuck the Indians,”

“Who said that?” she demanded.

Chandrashekhar put his hand up. “General Custer, 1862.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”

The teacher glares around and asks, “All right! Now, who said that?”

Again, Chandrashekhar says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.”

Chandrashekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001.”

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re fucked!”

And Chandrashekhar said quietly, “George Bush, Iraq , 2005.”

My apology to the great leader of the free world for mentioning him in this joke. I still respect him.

A Proud Father

Let's have more laughs ...what with the kind of stock markets that we have around the world these days...and we watch our investments diminish in value ...

Thank you, Ijau for this joke. You can really tickle my funny bone!

Subject: A Proud father

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Damn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, he then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the rest-room and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"

One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons .... What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he's lucky, too. His birthday just passed the other day and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

Smart -ass Joke

There are those foreign buddies I know who feel that generally Malaysians don't have a sense of humor-you can't blame them for this misperception considering all those political warnings and threats against those who are too vocal on many certain issues, I guess-how wrong they could be!

We don't need to be offensive with the jokes and they can be plain original. Here's one that I just heard that I like. By all means, don't fear; do continue with your night courses or tuition if you're married!

Ah Beng goes to take night courses for the reason that in future he can get a promotion or a better job. During work, Ah Beng likes to show off to Ah Seng about his knowledge .
Ah Beng: Seng ah... I've been taking night Courses for 3 months already, next week is the exam.
Ah Seng: Oh... Good luck-ah.

Then Ah Beng starts to show off...
Ah Beng: Ok, I test you, who is Graham Bell?
Ah Seng: Don't know-lah....
Ah Beng: He is the inventor of phone-lah... in 1876! See... if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ........................ *speechless...

The next day, Ah Beng shows off again...
Ah Beng: Ah Seng-ah... let me ask you, who is Jean Jacques Rousseau ?
Ah Seng: Wash your toilet one-ah?
Ah Beng: No! He's the author of "Confessions", nah nah nah... told you already, if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ......................... *speechless + frustrated*

The next day, once again...
Ah Beng: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas?
Ah Seng: Your gay partner?
Ah Beng: Choiii!!! If you don't know don't simply answer-lah. He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers"! If you take night courses, you would know this.

Ah Seng: ....................... *speechless + frustrated + irritated ....This time Ah Seng cannot tahan (stand it) anymore and asks Ah Beng...
Ah Seng: Eh... Do you know who is Ah Kaw?
Ah Beng: Errrr... No!
Ah Seng: He's the guy sleeping with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this!!
Ah Beng: ........................ *faints*

Read about Lee, not Potter!

Reading books and blogs is highly recommendable to everyone on this planet because it is not only pleasurable and relaxing; it opens our eyes to the world around us, thus making us knowledgeable intellectuals...

Here's what I've been trying to spend time, amongst my thick pile of books, to finishing lately: squeaky clean former Prime Minister of Singapore, Lee Kuan Yew's The Singapore Story. It's a hell of an interesting informative autobiography written by a man I've always admired.

As much as I dislike the application of inhuman draconian laws such as the notorious Internal Security Act (ISA)- enforced to detain others of dissenting views- which I consider is a grave violation of human rights, I could forgive multi-culturally sensitive Singapore for having it to maintain law and order as it could be seen that it basically practises a fair and balanced economic policy towards its citizenry. Its poverty eradication programmes works for almost everyone and corruption is at a minimal. Its people are also well-respected around the world.

The book itself is a big eye-opener. It would be hard to dispute his details of events that led to the departure of the island state from Malaysia. It also provides a rather intimate glimpse into the life of the author himself. As you could see in the picture, it's the incorruptible man himself with his present wife, taken while they were courting romantically.

Some other small tidbits about this well-respected great statesman that I found fascinating: he's a Hakka in an ocean of Hokkiens in Singapore; he admired his grandfather more than his dad; he was given the English name 'Harry' and his two siblings were given the names 'Dennis' and 'Freddy' and he used to get first in pure Mathematics in Raffles College so he's a great mathematician!

The heavy stuff in his book is that he actually preferred to keep Singapore within Malaysia but it would not be so. It was apparent that the Chinese-majority state was a major political concern to Malaysia's founders. As he commented, "Singapore had independence thrust on it". In the end Singapore left the federation and today it stands proudly alone with a high per capital income and advanced developed First World status.

So that's the book I'm reading thoroughly this holiday season. I'll share more tidbits and gems from it in future. Keep your fingers crossed!

Here's a well-worn out joke at the expense of my hero:
A visitor goes to Singapore. He meets two huge statues, first a female and then a male.

He asks the guide, "Who's this?"

The guide answers,"That's Kuan Ying, the goddess of mercy."

Then he meets the other statue and asks again,"Who's this?"

The guide replies, "That's Kuan Yew, the god of no mercy."

I hope that's not offensive to my Singapore buddies out there, least of all the honorable gentleman, Harry! My dream is to get him to sign his fantastic book someday...Well, another late great statesman once joked, "I am ready to meet my maker; whether my Maker is ready to meet me, I do not know." Time is unfortunately running out for everyone to meet his or her Maker...

Take Time for a Good Laugh!

Here's a story-may it tickle your funny bone! It did that to mine! Thanks my brother Eddy for sharing it with me!

This would make a bad day at work.

This is funny!

Bad day at work???

This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.

She then sent it to a radio station in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, which was sponsoring a 'worst job experience' contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool.

So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea, heats it to a delightful temperature, then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my bum started to itch.

So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my bum started to burn!

I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.

However, the crack of my bum was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my bum.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.

His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my bum as soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poo for two days because my bum was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ar*e.

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job". Remember whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, "Is this a jellyfish bad day?"

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!

Here's a cop with a sense of humor! it's dedicated to my buddies in Sibu.

Nothing like a bit of humor to lighten up things, especially when there's a hell lot of pressure on them at this time, particularly with the gangsterism issue ... Believe me, most times cops are human too but other times, losing their cool, can be animals, like this blogging handsome orang utan.

It's forgivable, right?

Anyway, have a good laugh!

By the way, did you notice my fellow blogger ( of Rocky's Bru ), Rocky's cool pic here as well? Don't you think there's some sort of close resemblance between the two dudes? I also heard that Rocky does have a long pony tail as well...GGGrrrrrr... verification in future....

I wish to record my jungle chattering thanks to Ijau for the funny pic. My cop buddies will now also love you for humanising them and making them laugh at this time of need.

His name is Patrick Teoh. Known also as The Voice (He claimed he was crowned this title following an incident whereby he said something out of the blue and those present called him The Voice ever since) for his deep Pavarotti voice and natural English enunciation, he had a huge following in Malaysia. Some would hate this controversial radio deejay; others would love him when he hosted some of the morning shows on Radio 4 before Traks FM appeared.

Need I say that long before he became a long term fixture on the Rhythm of the Nation show, he was already a rising star of the Cool and Swinging Show...and The True and Amazing Facts Show (I heard about the latter and frankly, I haven't listened to it before).

Why was he so controversial?

He was outspoken, opinionated (too highly opinionated to some!), brash and blunt at times. Some said he was rude and obnoxious which would be debatable.

I liked him the way he was and saw him in the former description as outspoken, opinionated, brash and blunt. It's honesty at its extreme. Nevertheless, it was therapeutic for many, I believe.

Consider the sort of listeners he had in a time when Big Brother ruled with a big stick: Boring shows were the norm of the day. Interaction with the Malaysian public was a new phenomenon and this was skilfully molded by him into absolutely highly rated entertainment for everybody.

Folks from all walks of life and I include a certain buddy of mine who was a top sales rep in Miri loved to phone up and talk whatever topics Pat had in his Rhythm of the Nation shows. Alas! My buddy actually hit the bottle after his show went off the air following Pat's suspension for a hilarious prank, famously called the Duck Test Joke on April Fool's Day.

I heard my buddy calling twice over the radio. He was heaping praises on him for providing so many interesting shows! This sales guy was also agreeing with every word that his radio idol was complaining about such as annoying callers with their irritating radios switched on while on the phone line chatting with him. Sometime later I was quite shocked that this fan of his was angry that the show was no longer on and he really had to drown his sorrows by drinking heavily. This was a surprising revelation, considering he was not supposed to drink on strictly religious grounds!

These are just a few thoughts about Patrick Teoh. I'm keeping my promise to him to talk about him and the Pat fan who went nuts .... It's done, man!

By the way, as an afterthought, I don't think fans of his like us have a name...How about maybe we call ourselves patties after his name, Patrick or perhaps, duckies after his most controversial prank that likely got him off the air...