A Day at Miri City's General Hospital

Yesterday I was at the General Hospital to have one of my family members given a medical check-up.

It was expected by me that it would be a quick case of waiting, seeing the medical specialist, collecting whatever medicine and driving home. I had done this on a number of occasions, always pleased with the ever increasingly improved medical services and facilities at the distant hospital, thanks to competent ministers like the downfallen Datuk Seri Dr. Chua Soi Lek and previous Health Ministers.

What the heck, I even brought along my copy of The Borneo Post and was titillated by the breaking juicy Health Minister Sex Tape Scandal ... in a place that has itself become totally sexually sterile! Yessir-these days, all the nurses everywhere wore pants, appearing more like our sex and some even had their heads covered with a tudong (scarf). Often I couldn't help muttering to myself, "Jez-becoming sick is no fun any more compared to those good old days... What a bloody boring unglamorous job!".

Pardon me-back to my story about yesterday after that distracted naughty thought-yesterday was a different experience. It was really, really, really bad!

What happened was that at 4:00 p.m. one of the kids wanted to ease herself (A boy could conveniently do it any way!)after another of the kids had seen the specialist doctor at Pakar (Ward) 3. We went to all the toilets from Pakar 1 to 4 and much to our disbelief, discovered they were all locked! Even the emergency ward toilets were similarly inaccessible to the public!

I observed one messy toilet had some busy carpenters working in it.

As a last desperate resort, my 11-year old kid dashed into the ladies' toilet at the hospital canteen which was quite a considerable distance away from Pakar 3.

I went to the gentlemen's toilet.

We came out with different experiences.

She made the disturbing complaint that it was frightening dark inside the place. She could hardly see anything!

As for me, I had to complain I felt nauseous. You see, there were two stalls in the men's toilet. One was filled with thick brownish faeces all over the squatting toilet and around it, obviously from someone who had had diarrhoea. The other facility had toilet tissues with yellowish faeces scattered all over the open pit! If Tattoo of Fantasy Island had been around, he would have shouted "Da smell! Da smell!" instead of "Da plane! Da plane!".

It wasn't surprising to see the mess because when I left the place hastily I noticed quite a lot of hospital visitors rushing to these two available toilets after we left!

So an ordinary day at the hospital wasn't so funny! Instead of enjoying the juicy scandalous bits we suffered! Maybe the Cosmic Joker wanted the last laugh!

WARNING: Adult Toilet Humor

Entschuldigung, I have this funny stuff which almost made me laugh to death to share! My thanks to J.D. for sharing it with me. WARNING: ADULT HUMOR!

It's crude but then, hey, toilets and toiletry are in the news these days ... We have a number of enterprising fellow animals-I mean persons like Dr. Shit, an engineer by profession, of an African country raking in millions in a business dealing with this messy line of work, shall we say.

Next time you're in the loo, do recall these great writings...Dedicated to Ijau, Albert, Klaus, Buzzy, nozziex, De Caprio, Patrick Teoh, minnie, Ian, Shin, ezri, ummu fatimah (If she ever comes back!), Gina, Terminator, Rapper, Castro, bossy, Tobias, pontianak, Mahound, Batman, Carol, Colombo, Hafiz, Zorba the Greek and all the other contributors/visitors who may be left out here ...

EXCELLENT POEMS FOUND IN TOILET DOORS AND WALLS

How about the one I read in the male toilet wall:
THE 'FUTURE' OF MALAYSIA IS IN YOUR HANDS, HOLD IT GENTLY.

Here's one by a budding poet trying his best...
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie or shall I linger,
or shall I be forced to use my little finger.

Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this:
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted.

Someone with a different experience wrote:
You're lucky-
You had your chance
I tried to fart
And shit my pants!

Perhaps it's true people find inspiration in toilets.
I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
is sit and think.

There are also people who come for a different purpose...
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come
here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls.

Toilet walls also double as job advertisements space...
(Written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line, the Singaporean Fire Department wants you.

Ministry of Environment Advertisement:
We aim to please!
You aim too! Please.

On the inside of a toilet door:
Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.

And finally this should teach some a lesson...
Sign seen at restaurant:
THE HANDS THAT CLEAN THESE TOILETS ALSO MAKE YOUR FOOD.